Bus Fun

As my regular reader will know, I use public transport quite a bit and it always seems to be a little adventure watching and listening to the other passengers.

Case in point tonight, normally on the bus home, no one sits by me. It’s only a small bus and the seats normally fill quite quickly. However, I find I’m the last to be joined. I’m not sure whether this is because;

A. I smell
B. I scowl at everybody as they get on
C. I ignore people and have my earphones in
D. I pat the empty seat next to me and wink at everybody as they walk past
E. I scratch myself constantly and have a nervous twitch
F. All of the above

Not tonight. Oh no! Tonight, two ladies got on the bus and were chatting, as is their want. There were no more seats together, unless you count the flip down seats at the front, which face sideways and are awkward to sit in. The “Granny Flingers” as I call them.

Instead, our two chatting ladies sat either side of the aisle. One of the seats being next to me.

A bit of victory for me, someone actually sat next to me. I say next……..

….. almost on top!

To be fair, it could be glandular.

Put it this way, she was a well proportioned lady, whose ample arse wedged me firmly into my seat. Now, in all honesty I’m not the smallest of people, but she took the biscuit. In fact she took the whole bloody packet!

She wasn’t fat, she was just big. What I mean is, there were no rolls of fat rippling where her waist should be. Rolls of fat where she could lose several of the aforementioned biscuits, for instance.

She was just a big girl.

Anyway, she wedged me there, sitting slightly at an angle so she could face her colleague, who she was still chatting away to. So much of an angle that her arm, that was next to me, had me pinned down. I could only move from the elbow down!

She seemed pleasant enough, well presented, but I think she had over done the perfume. It smelt OK, but was very strong. I made the mistake of taking a deep breath in through my nose and lost all of my nasal hair in the process.

She was still chatting as the doors shut and we drove off. She was still chatting a mile down the road, I thought in a minute, if she doesn’t breath out, the bloody windows will be sucked in!

So that was my lot for the journey home. Squeezed into a seat, my nose pressed to the window, as I listened to her chatter, occasionally wiggled by her ample arse-age as she chuckled away to some anecdote that she had just related.

Perhaps she was just big boned. (Yes, but with plenty of meat and gravy!!)