Our Holiday to Germany - Taking It Up The Rhine - Part 4

Continued from Part 3

Friday

So we have arrived at Friday and today was another included excursion, this time to Heidelberg. Now it was getting seriously warm out there, so the drive from Assmanhausen to Heidelberg on the air-conditioned coach was most welcome. The main attraction in Heidelberg is the castle; Heidelberger Schloss and so we headed there. As the castle is perched high on the valley side, it can be reached via a modern funicular railway, which then runs on to the original station of the 125 year old funicular that runs to the top of the valley and the Königstuhl station, with it's breathtaking views. More of that in a moment, we stopped first at the castle.

Luckily the castle ruins offered a fair bit of shade, which was required to escape the ravages of the baking sun! Not all of the castle is in ruins and we spent a good couple of hours wandering around the exterior and interior, stopping obviously for the requisite packed lunch and to top up on drinks.

The castle itself offers some lovely views across the Rhine valley and the town of Heidelberg and we spent a cool few minutes admiring the views and people watching as they all took their various photographs, mostly from the end of a selfie-stick.


After the castle we purchased tickets for the upper railway to take us to the top of valley. As time was getting on, I wasn't really sure if we would make it up and down again before Jason fired up the coach!Luckily we bumped into the intellectual family who were just coming off the train, so I asked the father; dressed in his usual attire of baggy shorts, black socks and shoes, loose shirt and a battered straw hat, coupled with a rather annoying looking bum-bag affair, strapped around his waist that seemed to carry all manner of kit to aid the family through the day, including drinks bottles etc. and as he was rather thin and this horizontal rucksack was rather large, made him even more awkward looking, but he insisted on wearing literally everywhere, I'm sure he even wore it to bed!


Anyway, I asked him roughly how long the journey was and how often did the trains run. He replied the journey was about 8 minutes and the trains arrived every ten. I thanked him and we boarded the train. On the way up I did some quick calculations and came to the conclusion that this was going to be a whistle stop tour of the top! So whistle stop in fact that we disembarked our train ran out of the little station took 4 or 5 pictures of the view, ran back into the station, joined the queue to go down and boarded the same train we had come up on!

We made it back to the coach with 10 minutes to spare, which is just about adequate, you do not want to be last back or late on a coach tour, people can be so cruel if you're late. Swines!


Saturday

Last day in Germany! Awww. Today we had to have the suitcases outside of our rooms by 7:30am!

So an early start for us. After the obligatory queue for the toaster, it was a sad farewell to the hotel as we boarded the coach to take us the 10 minutes along the Rhine to Rüdesheim where we were to catch a boat which would take a leisurely 4 hour cruise up the Rhine to Koblenz, where we were to meet up with the coach and those passengers who chose not to take the cruise. We believe they missed out by not taking the cruise, although the boat got very busy, there were various stops en route where passengers got on and off. Watching the stunning Rhineland scenery gently rolling passed, with magical castles every 5 minutes, set into the luscious green valley sides was just sublime. Alongside this we were sat with our holiday companions so chatter was always around us. Such a beautiful time.

The trip was topped off by Mrs Dave insisting that we eat on board, in the luxury restaurant, instead of that awful packed lunch (I still bought it just in case)! And what a choice, the meal was just perfect, the restaurant was quiet and we had magnificent views from our dining table, which was right up the pointy end. See? We know our nautical stuff.

We docked at Koblenz and joined the coach and made our somewhat sad way out of Germany to our over night hotel in Belgium.

Although our time in Belgium was short, the hotel was superb, great room, Jacuzzi bath, well organised restaurant. The only downside was that we wanted to change for supper, but our cases hadn't made it to the room and as I had just taken a shower, I had to put back on the shorts and t-shirt I had been wearing all day. As a result, we missed an opportunity to sit with our friends, because Opinionated Steve and his wife had plonked themselves in the seats our friends were trying to keep for us. He was Opinionated Steve, because he had an opinion on everything and it wasn't always a good one! Also, anything you had, he had one better, bigger, faster, stronger, you name it, he'd done it. Big-headed swine!

Anyway, we sat on the next table with what seemed to be half of the Addams family, including some moaning old git and his bickering missus. As the soup was taking awhile to come out, I suggested that I run up to the room to see if the cases had been dropped off, which they had, so a very quick change and I came running back down and back to the still soup-less table. So Mrs Dave did the same thing and ran up to get changed. In her absence the soup arrived, so I politely handed it to the others to help themselves. It was at this point that Mr Moaning Old Git of Doncaster discovered he was minus a soup spoon, so instead of doing what any other polite person would do and go and get one, or call a waiter, he instead took Mrs Dave's spoon!!

"Hold on a minute", I said, "what is she going to eat her soup with, a bloody fork?"

The table thought this was very funny, but I was fuming and he never gave it back. Mrs Dave turns up and I dish up her soup and she enquires as to where her spoon has gone, the man opposite says that; "he took it" acknowledging the said moaning old git now elbow deep in soup and bread, "the spoon" splashing in and out of the savoury soup in quick succession! Mrs Dave checked with me as to who took the spoon and I retorted; "that selfish old git!" loud enough for the surrounding tables to hear, but it was to no avail and old bastard Steptoe was wanting seconds of soup! I should have drowned the old git in it!


Anyhow, enough of this negativity, we finished our meal and met up with the guys on the next table and wandered off into the cooling Belgian evening to find a bar to drown our sorrows and celebrate a wonderful holiday!

And there we have it, save for a few more hours travelling the next day, back to Blighty, that was the holiday.
I know we moan about coach holidays, but we truly love them and the Germany trip was no exception. There's generally nothing for you to do, but sit back and let someone else do the driving for you. They look after your luggage, everything is laid on, they take you to the nicest places, show you all the tourist attractions, provide you with history, book you into some decent hotels and generally look after you really well. There's no need for any anxieties or what do we do now? Or where do we go today? It's all done for you. And I for one like that, I don't want to think about too much when I am holiday I want to relax and enjoy myself. Obviously to do so. you need to be stuck on a coach with other people doing the same kind of thing, so you will have to put up with the odd, old moaners, who will complain and utter a load of old drivel sometimes and came out with the odd casual racist comment or even suggest several ways of how to deal with the immigrants issue at Calais. However, as most of the suggestions involved some mild form of genocide, I'm sure the French authorities would not be interested.
However, the plus points, for us anyway, far out weigh the negativity bought about some narrow mined individuals. As Mrs Dave suggests, you never know the old buggers might even book their next tour to Switzerland, one way ticket anybody?

If you have got this far, well many thanks for sticking with it and reading these musings. I do it for information, prosperity, but mainly fun. Thanks again and here's to another holiday!

This blog is dedicated to Rick, Joan, Vince and Anne, proof that coach travel is also for the lovely, caring and very friendly people of this earth. Keep in touch.

Dave and Denise.

Our Holiday to Germany - Taking It Up The Rhine - Part 3

Continued from Part 2

Wednesday

Today is an optional excursion, where the coach is left behind and we sample the wonders and precision of the German rail network, travelling from Assmanhausen to Koblenz, then changing trains and heading for Cochem a small town nestled on the banks of the Moselle.

 Firstly the trains are comfortable and spacious, although not air conditioned, so it did get quite warm on the return trips. Also, two of the four trains we caught were late, so German precision is not totally precise, that said I really enjoyed the experience.

Cochem itself is really nice, with the standard roadside cafes and restaurants, interspersed with the occasional and obligatory gift shop. There's a bridge that takes you from one side of the river to the other and we found that it was quieter on the far side away from the hustle and bustle of the tourist traps and a nice spot for our packed lunch provided by our hotel. I say packed lunch, a drink, a sandwich, a hard boiled egg, a piece of fruit and a biscuit, was it's constituent parts, not overly appetising, but it had that quintessentially perfect aspect of being free!

One thing of note, the cars registered at a particular town, carry a number plate that is prefixed with the first three letters of that town or district, which for Cochem, could be a tad embarrassing if you have a childish sense of humour!

As this was an optional tour it didn't attract everybody, and as there was a bit of walking the elderly contingent seemed to have given it a miss, certainly the derisive and mildly caustic comments were down to a minimum. Which was nice.

At this point, let us just give you a basic overview of the different parties within our coach. Obviously we have the over 65's mostly couples who tend to come on holiday and bicker with each other, much to the chagrin of the other passengers. You have the middle aged passengers, again mostly couples and generally very nice (that's our category)! Then you have the families, with teenage children, a few of them this trip. One in particular, I would like to mention, who we didn't get to know that well, but the mother looked to be a single parent who, to all intents and purposes, had looked to come on holiday to get away from it all, but ended up bringing her two sons and her mother and therefore ended up bringing it all with her! Still, she was no stranger to the free bar at night, and all power to her, plus her boys were really good to their Nan. Good lads.
And finally we had a few lone passengers, we know about Peter, but there was another older lady who was alone as well, which should be no great shock, as she was a sour faced old mare, that could turn your milk sour before you had chance to pour onto your breakfast cereal. We didn't like her either!

Thursday

Thursday was a quiet day, but extremely warm, with temperatures in the high 30's, so luckily we were back on the air-conditioned coach for a short hop to a couple of small towns called Boppard and St Goer, plus a stop at Loreley Rock high above the Rhine.

Our stay in Boppard was mainly centred around walking along the river to the town square, finding the toilets and then walking back to the river to find a shady spot to eat the beautifully prepared packed lunch provided by the hotel, if you class leftovers from breakfast quickly wrapped in tin foil and thrown into a carrier bag beautifully prepared! Again Boppard was just idyllic, picturesque with narrow streets lined with Germanic houses, leading to small squares with beautiful churches.

After Boppard, it was back to the coach for the short hop to St Goer, again picturesque, again picture postcard perfect, with pretty shops and roadside cafes. There was also some small market style stalls selling the normal tat, so the oldies lapped that up. I don't see the fascination myself, I prefer to look up at the architecture, than to look down at the very obvious gift ideas, but each to their own.

A highlight for us was to sit outside a cafe and savour the delights of some coffee and cake, just one of those perfect holiday moments, where we enjoyed the sunshine, coffee and beautiful cake. 

After St Goer, it was back to the coach again, this time to make our way up the valley side to the top of Loreley Rock, some 120 metres above the river. Here we could get panoramic views of the river as it slowly meanders along. We could also get a view of the Loreley Mermaid, a sculpture set on a bank on the river, to mark one of the ancient folklore's that surround this area. In fact Wikipedia states; "Lorelei is also the name of a feminine water spirit, similar to mermaids or Rhinemaidens, associated with this rock in popular folklore and in works of music, art and literature". Who said this blog wasn't educational?

Thursday evening was taken up with a candlelit supper and musical entertainment. I had forgotten this and as we walked into the downstairs dining room, opened especially for the occasion, I spotted all the men with their best shirts and trousers on. Obviously, I looked a tad out of place, dressed in t-shirt and shorts. What can I say, it was hot! Anyway, I didn't care, it was a great night. The entertainment was provided by a rocking elderly German gent with his electric guitar and he rocked out all the hits in German and in English. Typical holiday entertainment, cheesy but fun.

I was sat in the midway point of our shared table of nine guests, to my left were the friends we had made and got on so well with, to my right were the intellectual family of the coach, mother, father and teenage son. They were very pleasant and clearly well educated. As I was the fulcrum of the table, I could dip in and out of conversations on ether side. At one point the conversation to my right was regarding the socio-political issues bought about as a result of the devolution of the former Soviet Union. And to my left was a debate regarding Brendan from Coach Trip!! I sat quietly and sipped my wine and ignored both conversations.

Next stop Friday and time to wind down the holiday.

To be continued - Part 4

Our Holiday to Germany - Taking It Up The Rhine - Part 2

Continued from Part 1

Monday

Today we find ourselves with a day of leisure, no organised excursions, which is good as we need to rest after the mammoth 15 hour coach journey of the day before. First of all though we need to pay Jason, our driver, for the optional excursions we are taking in the week and then head off into the breakfast room to fill up on cheese, ham bread and scrambled egg. Forget toast though, as there's only one 2 slice domestic toaster available and it's slower than me opening my wallet to buy a round!

After breakfast we head off to explore and I should point out at this juncture that it is just myself and Mrs Dave on this holiday, we've left Little Miss Dave at home! Our first proper holiday together for years. Sorry Little Miss Dave.

Anyway, back to exploring, we walk from our hotel down to the banks of the Rhine and take in the sunshine and the warmth from the sun, it is an idyllic location, all kinds of boats cruise up and down, cargo ships, holiday cruises, tourist boats. This area of the Rhine is flanked by roads, cycle paths, foot paths and railway lines on either side, so you can sit and watch all modes of transport flitting up and down the valley. No sitting for us though, we walked up the Rhine towards Koblenz for about half an hour, stopping off at a little gift shop for the obligatory peruse of various German flavoured gifts and a bottle of water, need to keep hydrated with temperatures in the 30's. We then headed back again, this time walking right by the waters edge for as far as we could. It was lovely, tranquil and just perfect.

Assmanhausen chairlift.

We nipped back to the hotel and freshened up, then went out again, this time we went away from the river, taking the short walk uphill to the Assmanhausen chairlift, that takes you up to the top of the valley, where you can, and we did, take a 40 minute walk through the forest up to the Niederwald Monument which overlooks Rüdesheim.

Niederwald Monument.

This was such a glorious, sunny and cloudless day, that it got really warm up top in the full sun, so we decided to purchase an ice cream each and descend down into Rüdesheim via the cable car. They are only small open cable cars, but they were perfect for gently floating down the valley side over the top of the myriad of vineyards with row upon row of grape vines that stripe their way across the whole of the Rhine Valley. Rüdesheim is a larger town than Assmanhausen, with more shops and restaurants and after a few stops at some gift shops, we found a small restaurant hidden up a shady side street where we decided to have a spot of lunch and a German beer. And what a lunch? And what beer? Totally delicious, in a beautiful setting, with the mellifluous tones of a piano being played purely for our entertainment. If we were to pick one memory from this holiday, it would possibly be this day, as we sampled many contrasts and enjoyed so much of what this lovely town and country had to offer.

Anyway, moving on, we need to inject a bit more humour into the proceedings, but before we move onto Tuesday, a quick word about hotel dining. In this particular hotel, it only had accommodation for about 50 - 60 guests, so almost all the guests were from our coach, so like it or not, you soon got used to everybody. The dining room had tables that seated varying numbers of guests, up to 7 seats in fact, so you just had to put up with communal eating and chatting. This doesn't sit that well with me, as I'm rather shy and not very good at listening in a busy, noisy room, as I tend to listen to the conversation behind me, rather than the one in front, so I end up smiling and nodding a lot, hoping that the smiles and nods come in the right place. Still it was a free bar!


Tuesday

Today we are all aboard the coach for a trip to Koblenz and Linz. Koblenz is situated on both banks of the Rhine at its confluence with the Moselle river. The weather was slightly overcast as we drove to Koblenz, a total change from the previous day, so although we had dressed for sunshine, it looked like rain was imminent.
We took the cable car across the Rhine up to the Fortress Ehrenbreitstein high on the opposite bank and this i where the rain started to fall. We briefly looked around the area, taking the opportunity to avail ourselves of the free toilets next to the museum shop, before heading back down to Koblenz town for a warming cup of coffee and a chance purchase of an umbrella, as it was now, as they say in Germany "regnet katzen und hunde"! Then it's all back on board the coach to head to Linz.

Now, I make notes as we travel around, writing down snippets of information of where we have been, what we have done etc. Looking back in my notes for Tuesday I have written; "Why is it that when old people are stuck together on a bus, that they talk a load of old shit?"

I might need to explain that.

Whilst most of us managed to get back to the coach on time, after spending a couple of hours wandering around a damp, but pretty Linz, we had managed to "lose" one elderly couple. 4 o'clock came and went and there was no sign, this obviously started the hear'say, conjecture and speculative theories that started emanating from the coach;
"Summinks 'appened".
"The drivers gone off again".
"Is that 'em now?"
"I bet there's been an accident".
"Look at that rain, it's really coming down".
"I bet summink 'as 'appened".
"He didn't look well at breakfast".
"Where's the driver gone?"
"They've probably gone back to the hotel".
"We should go without 'em, keeping us waiting!"

Oh for goodness sake shut up!! I was all for getting together a mini search party, but thought I would just sit quietly and listen to the diatribe of drivel. I thought if someone mentions the war or a "Dunkirk spirit", I'm walking back to the hotel!

What did upset me somewhat, was one of our lone passengers; Peter, who was, for the want of a better phrase; a little special. Maybe that's not fair, he was articulate, knowledgeable, with a mind full of memories of places, names, times, facts and figures, but he had no social barometer and although he was quite often and quite cruelly ridiculed by the narrow minded and mostly old contingent on the coach, he did not think they were laughing at him. Anyway, Peter hopped off the coach whilst we were waiting for our lost souls to return, which started a ripple of discontent amongst the moaning old gits; "oh where's he going now?", "bloody David Bailey's off again". This latter comment was aimed at the fact that Peter never went anywhere without his camera and lens bags hung closely around his neck, beats me that he was ridiculed for taking photographs of everywhere and everything, he was only recording his holiday, as he had no one to share his memories with. Anyway, he disappeared behind some bushes and well, we think he let nature take it's course, as he returned adjusting himself and pulling his shorts back up, which sent a howl of derisive laughter around the coach. Old people can be so cruel sometimes, especially the narrow minded old codger sat just behind us, he laughed and guffawed and declared when Peter returned to his seat, that "... it's alright, he's back in his box!" I really wish I'd said something now, if that had been one of the old boys on the coach who had got caught short, I'm sure there wouldn't have been so many cruel catcalls.

They say travel broadens the mind, some of the old buggers on the coach clearly need to travel some more!

Anyway, the old couple finally appeared, soaked, bedraggled and the worse for a couple of falls apparently. They were provided with the requisite amount of tea and sympathy from their fellow passengers, even the old ones who were moaning about them not 5 minutes before, two faced old gits!

An hour late, an hour away from the hotel and an hour before the free bar opens, get your foot down driver!


To be continued - Part 3

Our Holiday to Germany - Taking It Up The Rhine - Part 1

And here we are yet again, this holiday blogging is becoming an annual event. Firstly a few words of why. Writing down one's musings regarding a holiday is not a self-indulgent, egotistical word-fest, it is merely a chronology of holiday events interspersed with some hopefully comedic comments. Having photographs to look back on is fine, but sometimes place names and people may slip from the memory, so having the holiday history in written form is an aide-memoire of the holiday experience.

Let us begin.

This year we took the decision not to have a holiday, other financial commitments had sequestered away the funds for frivolities, so no holiday for us. However, Mrs Dave suggested that I should take a couple of weeks off in the summer, just to do "things". "Things" translated into jobs around the house, a day trip or two, maybe a weekend away. Fortunately, these "things" soon transmogrified into a little bit more than a couple of day trips. We started looking at long weekend breaks, maybe five days in Ireland; "I've never been to Ireland", she mused.
"There's nothing available at such short notice, in the weeks that we have off" I replied.

We left it there. The next day at work, I took a look at a website offering coach holidays to Germany amongst others, and I found a nice little package deal for 8 days in the Rhine Valley. I sent a text to Mrs Dave to ask her to look at it, see what she thought and see if it was suitable and available. 10 minutes later I received the reply of; "all booked and paid for!"

So we're off to Germany.

So far so good, onto the nitty-gritty of departure day. We booked with Shearings (other coach firms are available), who provide a local pick up service, so you don't have to make your way to the barren wastelands of a far-flung motorway service station to pick up your coach. We got picked up at the local bus station, with some other local holiday makers who were also travelling, but to different locations, all fed by the same feeder coach. Which reminds me; feeder coach? I wished they had fed it some more, as it was tiny. I could only get one cheek onto the seat. Luxury travel my arse!

Enough procrastination, we are on our way! The first stop is Membury services on the M4 to swap from the tiny cattle wagon to a more luxurious coach, a proper size this one and branded with the company logo, again we find more like minded individuals, herded onto the coach to travel to the final coach interchange which is at junction 11 of the M20 in Kent at a services called Stop 24. If you're interested in watching coaches pull in and depart, this is the place to go, as a whole flotilla of Shearings coaches pull in, empty their holds of luggage, move luggage to another coach, fill up again and move off. All done with military precision and a smile, usually. It is a brilliant service and we found that after our local bus station we never touched our suitcases until we reached our hotel.

At the interchange we waited for our coach to be ready, whilst sipping a coffee and watching the clientele milling around the service station, due to the type of people that coach tours tend to attract, the place looked like God's waiting room! The average age must have been 70! Once our coach was ready we boarded saying hello to our driver Jason and those almost awkward hellos to your fellow passengers, as you bounce down the aisle with your bags. "Sorry, hello, alright, sorry, excuse me, is this our seats, sorry". Once settled we were off. Next stop the Channel Tunnel.

Duty Free Shopping "oh no!"

Unfortunately at the Channel Tunnel we had a couple of hours to kill before getting on the train, which meant the entertainment for the next 120 minutes was provided by the infernal and eternal optimism of the Duty Free shop, which stinks of expensive perfume with the lure of cheap fags and booze, for a non smoker heading for an all inclusive holiday it is no lure at all. I sat outside and played "spot the illegal immigrant".

Anyway, back on the coach, through the tunnel and off through France and Belgium heading towards Germany. Which gives me chance to look at some of our fellow passengers. Judging by the age of some of them, they may have been to Germany before, but may not have been so friendly last time, I'm sure I heard a mumble of "fix bayonets". We rumble on through France and Belgium stopping once at a Belgian service station for a leg stretch, a chance to get a bite to eat and spend a penny or 50 cents in new, foreign money.

Our hotel.

We arrived at our resort of Assmanhausen very late indeed, a swift check-in and up to the room to unpack. This is when we discovered we were at the side of the hotel, fairly close to the railway line.
Now we knew that the railway line runs close to the hotel and noise from the trains can be heard in the rooms, we had read this before leaving, but we didn't realise that it was really close and the freight trains would fly through at break-neck speeds and be about a mile long! However, that first night they didn't bother us, as we were knackered and could have slept through a bombing raid. Whoops, shouldn't say things like that!

Onto the holiday proper.

To be continued - Part 2